Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Randomize
