What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
so much tequila, so little girl.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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