Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
