like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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