is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Holy sore nipples Batman
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
