What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Randomize
