Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
