so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
