Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
honey bunches of taint.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
