Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Randomize
