If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
