Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
