She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
