Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
