one two three fourrrrnication!
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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