I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
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