now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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