It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
