Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
There's a naked man in my car right now.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
