I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
