Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Randomize
