as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
