There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
