I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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