Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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