Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
