I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
a search helicopter?!
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
