I'd wear matching sweaters with you
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Randomize
