where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
