I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
