Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
