That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
