ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
