dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
