Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Randomize
