Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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