all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Randomize
