if i can run in heels then i can drive
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
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