he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
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