p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
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