I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Randomize
