I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
