Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize
