He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
