Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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