You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
