Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Randomize
