Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
