yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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