Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Randomize
