Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
She swung at the pinata with crutches
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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