i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Randomize
